My mind whispered a lie to me that other day. Well, actually I still don’t know if it was Satan telling me lies, or my mind needing to be told the truth.
Now, before I start that part, let me share this…
I know that I am loved.
I know that I am loved by God.
I know that I am deeply loved by my Heavenly Father.
It wasn’t always like this.
God allowed me to go though some really dark places, about 10 years ago, before I realised that I really did not know the love that God has for me. When this single revelation reached my hungry soul, it was like I became a new person. Suddenly, I realised that the God of this universe, the Creator of mankind, the Almighty, all powerful, all knowing God who knew me by name even before I was born…He knew everything about me and loved me. He loved me not only for who I was then, but for what I would become.
Once this understanding reached me, I was also aware of the mercy, forgiveness and grace that God gives to all that call on His name. That, included me. This very fact, has not only became a revelation – it became my life. A revelation I started to live. I want to love Him too, to serve Him, know Him. I wanted to know everything about this God who loved so much and gave so much so that I could walk with Him.
I knew it, I read it, I learnt it and I experienced it. I learnt to know this great love even I the toughest times and the darkest valleys since then. I learnt to live by the faith that I had in this loving God.
It came a shock to me as I was praying the other day and in the middle of the pray I said something like “…as your daughter…” and a tiny voice in my head, which I knew was not the Holy Spirit said, “who says you are His daughter?” Could that be Satan, or was it a doubt?
I stopped mid-sentence and said to myself, “You know you are His daughter.”
I felt so much resistance in from somewhere inside me and so much doubt that I was shocked. I was even more shocked that my brain was telling me two different things. My heart and my spirit told me that I was indeed His daughter, but my brain was saying no. Weird!
Odd occasionally I feel this resistant when I tell myself to forgive someone who has hurt me badly. I will often say to myself– “I need to forgive _______.”. Inside I feel the resistance. So, I persist until I can fully and without resistance thank God for that person and forgive them from my heart. It is also a similar resistance when my desires fight with my will over having another piece of chocolate. I am sharing this because it was the same feeling, so I knew what a fight was within my being.
I needed to think and pray about this some more, so I left my notes and bible on the table and headed off to work. While I was at work that day, I thought over what had happened that morning. Maybe I didn’t know this because it wasn’t in the bible? You know, like one of those things that Christians say because someone, somewhere thought that it sounded great. Later that day I went back to my bible to have a look. No, it was there.
“And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.” 2 Cor 6:18 NLT
“For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” Romans 8:16
So, then my mind tried to figure if I had ever used the words – “I am His daughter”.
The next day I found the PDF document of my book “He Whispers our Name”, and did a word search on the document. Shocked I realised that in 258 pages of the book, I had never referred to myself as a “Daughter of God” or “God’s daughter”. I had referred to other Christian women as daughters of God…but not me.
Why would I fight with the knowledge that I was indeed a daughter of God? Had I just never explored that concept – that facet of my relationship with God? Yes…that might be it. Did I think I was not worthy of that title?
Ahhhh… that was it.
Wow, after 38 years as a Christian I still had not come to that point. Both the worthiness and knowing this was something that had never considered. This facet of my relationship with God was something that was yet to explore. This sounded exciting. But first I needed to deal with the doubt/lie/resistance.
This time I said, “You are a daughter of God.” So I said it again, this time I added, “I am His and He is mine.”. Something lifted from inside me and my head cleared like I had been in a fog. But had I been in a fog?
I sighed and said to myself, “so, how long have you felt that way?”
This time the Holy Spirit answered, “You have never truly known this.”
Right where I was I wrote these notes…
“My Father has always been with me, a long as I could think back. I fully know that I am His loved and treasured child –loved unconditionally and protected by Him. God has many times whispered His love for me even when He needed me to be more obedient, or even when He needed to convict me of sin.
How long has my unbelieving mind been fighting my heart and my spirit? Had there been a battle, unknown by me, going on inside me?
How long had my unbelieving brain ignored His scripture and the Holy Spirit within me?”
I couldn’t believe that I had been a Christian for 38 years and I that I had never said the words “I am a daughter of God”.
So, I went through a list in my heart –
Redeemed? No resistance there…
Child of God? All good.
Believer? All good.
Treasured Possession? All good.
Loved? All good.
Forgiven? All good.
Friend of Christ Jesus? All good.
Co-heirs with Christ? All good.
Worthy? No, all good now.
That title is already given, but I had needed to take it up. It wasn’t about claiming a title or a name. It was mine long ago. I don’t need to work for it, or earn it. It is not for sale and it only comes with one price. The death of His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross for my sin. It was added to me because I believe.
Daughter of God. Interesting….
If I am my father’s daughter, I am also within His sphere of protection, cared for and cherished. This is a concept that I already knew and experienced. But is it always my way, all to benefit me. This new facet to my relationship with God is given freely, but yet with responsibility. Not only is it to be in the circle of His fatherly arms, and to bounce on His knee or sit at His feet, but also to behave as one fit to be His daughter.
I have always understood and known that I was His child. Yet this somehow seems almost to have a sterile concept in more vague terms. Yet to be His daughter has a clear definition of relationship. A bit like when I say I have two children, and then I say I have two sons. It defines the relationship a bit more.
There are times when I will be daddy’s girl, other times my Father’s daughter, then still other times the daughter of the King or daughter of God. Each one explores the relationship I have with God already, yet I didn’t know this. By knowing I walk as this comprehending my relationship with the One True and Only God – Almighty God. Who set out from the very beginning of time, and ability to walk, live and have a close relationship with Him. That He could called us sons and daughters.
Daughter of God. That is an interesting concept. Yes, I love how God works. I am sure I will write on this again. In the meantime, I can put my hand into the hand of my God and allow Him to father me.
Over the next few days God has continued to show me some things about my hesitation to accept what He has already given. It is not about where I am or who I am. God is about my growth – this will grow me. It is about taking new steps forward that God wants me to take. Once again God is teaching me a new concept of the scripture Isaiah 30:21 (NLT) –
“Your own ears will hear him.
Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”
whether to the right or to the left.”
Editors note: I hesitated to place this up on my blog as this is intensely personal to me. For about 4 weeks I have had this sitting, written, but unable to share it. I also rang a pastor friend of mine to talk to him about it. When he picked up the phone, I couldn’t tell him and talked about something else instead. The more it sat on my computer, the more I knew I was supposed to share this. I hope that you are blessed by my ponderings. Ruth