This year is going to be …um…actually I cannot find a way to describe it. There are times when I want God to do miracles and fight fights, not just stand there. It seems like sometimes He is just…there.

One day, I stepped out of the car to go and do the weekly shopping and it hit me. The huge commitments I  had taken on this year were mind boggling. With one foot on the ground and one foot still in the car, I breathed the words in prayer –

“Oh Father, how am I going to do this?”

The words replied to my heart, “With my help.”

My youngest son decided at the end of last year that he wanted to do his Year 9 schooling through Distance Education, from home. This added to an already overloaded and chaotic schedule for this year.

I am really not sure how this is all going to happen. But in my prayer time, God assures me that I will get through it and that there is a reason for what He is doing. God has assured me that He has placed every one of these things on my heart, but I need to give up one thing… and it is the one thing that would take the most faith. Slowly He is reducing this to almost nothing, and I have to trust.

I want to grip this tiny little area of my life and rely on it, but apparently it has to go. God promises me that this area is known by Him and He will be the one who is this for me. But I hate to let go. I feel like a little girl hold her security blanket for grim death, all the while asking God to take it from me. I want Him to show me that I will be alright before I let go.

He knows why I don’t want to let go.

I know why I have to let go. I also know why I have to do so much this year.

My son is reading Gifted Hands – the Ben Carson Story. Once again, I was reminded today that God has a way of reaching out to people and giving them tasks that are beyond them. This is an excerpt from the book that I read today –

“I’m not sure people always understand when I say that, but I had an inner certainty that I was on the right path in my life—the path God had chosen for me. Great things were going to happen in my life, and I had to do my part by preparing myself and being ready.”

(Ben Carson, 1990) (Gifted Hands 20th Anniversary Edition (p. 81). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.)

“…I had to do my part by preparing myself and being ready.”

Ah huh!!

The other evening, I stood in the middle of the kitchen, breathing heavily. I was dizzy, tired and about to pass out. The pain I was in was beyond being able to stand up anymore and for a moment I thought I was going to faint. I stood quietly and prayed. I opened my eyes and nothing had changed.

The phone was in my hand as I talked to my computer company about my computer only being out of warranty for two months (That afternoon my computer had died in the middle of important document being prepared, and my son’s computer was frozen because it could not do what I needed it to do). I was getting tea ready. I was answering my eldest sons’ questions, answering text messages on my mobile phone about baby sitting for a friend. I was waiting to be paid for a job I had just completed and had just been told that I could have to wait for 2-4 weeks for some money. My youngest son walked into the kitchen and held out his arms- his work shirt no longer fitted him.

At that very moment, the cat purred between my feet and let me know of his annoyance of being not fed and I nearly fell over him. I lifted my foot to move him out of the way, when I felt God say, “you can do this.”

Nothing had changed, accept that for some strange reason I was no longer breathing heavily. I was still feeling overwhelmed and in shocking pain. But for some reason I was okay.

God will sometimes give us more then we can handle. Sometimes He knows that life as just thrown us a curve ball and we have more then we can take. We will find ourselves in situations that are a bit beyond us, or completely beyond us.




When we open our eyes things haven’t changed, but God has changed us. Even though feelings are the same, there has been something that has changed.

Sometimes He provides a miracle. Sometimes He provides

…and sometimes He is just “there”.

I believe in a God who does awesome things. I believe in miracles. I believe in a God who cares and provides. But sometimes He is just…there.

Is “there” enough?

Yes, “there” is better then “no there”.

I still look forward to the day of getting more then 4 hours sleep a night, and not being in pain. I look forward to blessings and rest.

But this is what I want the most –

To be strengthened. To be changed. To not being so affected by the world that I live in. To not be reactive and emotional.

I don’t want to avoid the storms, I want to survive the storms

Yes, “there” is enough. While He is there I can change, I can lean and rely on Him. I can pray and believe. Because being there is better then not being there.

While He is “there” I can know that He will step in and move things when needed. While He is “there” I know that He cares. While He is “there” I know that He knows, and has always known.

Do you want my blanket God?

Editors Note:

God knows us.



I recently was reminded again that God know us well. He knows what is in our hearts and He know what we do not say.

I was in a waiting room at the hospital and in a lot of pain. I longed for a friend or family member to be with me and to take my focus off the pain. I longed for someone to be there to hold my hand.

“Father,” I whispered, (a little scared), “talk to me.”

‘Hold my hand.” came the firm reply

Mmmm…see, I couldn’t physically hold God’s hand. The Holy Spirit was not a physical presence. But I knew what God was doing. He had heard my heart cry. That itself was what I need to know from Him. There have been many times that I have talked to God and Has answered from what is in my heart.

There have been many times in my life I have known God presence when I have gone through “stuff”, and other time I have felt very alone. But always I have had the faith that even if I don’t hear Him or sense His presence, He is most certainly there. Today, He heard my heart cry, rather than my words.

Take this scripture –

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. Romans 8:26-27 NLT

The comprehension that Almighty God knows every word in our heart, even the words we do not know how to express, is so amazing to me.

He is God. Why do I still get amazed at God?

The other important detail not to leave out here is that if you pray something remember that God hears what you do not say. A bit like this –

“God, help me to respect my husband” (when really inside we are saying, “and pigs will fly before that man gets any of my respect!!) or “God I want to love my wife” (when you are really saying, I can’t stand that woman”) or “God I forgive ……..” (when inside we are angrily saying, “strike him/her dead God!!.”)

He knows when I am pretending not to be angry, or I when I haven’t really forgiven someone. Pretention is something that Jesus tackled when dealing with the Pharisees of His day. He tackled their posing and falseness. And He remains this way to us today. The Holy Spirit knows exactly what is going on inside.

Do you see what I mean?

The fact that God sees our heart and still loves us is so like God. The fact that He seeks to change that heart is even more amazing. But don’t lie to God.

There have been times when I have opened my bible and said to God, “I don’t feel like reading this today, but show me something that I can take away and learn about you.” Do you think that God doesn’t know? Why not be honest and allow Him to change you…from the inside out?

Take this scripture –

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.  Chronicles 28:9 (NIV)

Everywhere I read in scriptures I keep seeing the same thing. God speaking to the hearts of people. Read the beginning of the Book of Joshua. God was telling Joshua to be strong and to be courageous. He was speaking to Joshua’s heart. Joshua had just started to lead (with God’s help) around 2 million people!

Here is another scripture that is worth memorising –

The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9a NLT

We all want strength from God…it is the best strength. Commitment of heart? Our God knows our heart, He knows what our motives are and what we really need to hear. If you want to hear from God, you must be willing to hear God speak to your heart, about your heart.

That is hard, I know. Believe me… I know. God is always loving and compassionate to me, but He will not lie to me or tell me things to make me feel better. He will only tell the truth.

When God asked me to hold His hand, He was not making me feel better, He was letting me know He saw my heart and He would be with me… no matter what I go through. I am still believing for healing – complete healing – but I know God hears that too.

Whatever the desires and the cries of your heart – just tell them to God, He knows anyway. God’s Spirit is with you, in you and listening to you. God knows you.

Be blessed.